We love the opportunity to take opinions and stories meant for younger women and to incorporate a “grown-up” spin on them. Here is an article that appeared in Vogue and we could not resist adding our two cents:
Ladies: Have you ever wondered how a guy, who has never walked in your sneakers and hasn’t a clue about what it feels like to be you, thinks you should act? Of course not. Because men offer us their hot takes all of the time. The latest in this long line of unsolicited advice comes from a self-anointed dating guru at the guy site The Modern Man:
“These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time,” he wrote. “Yet, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them.” Actually, more often than not, that is precisely what it means. But that doesn’t stop the author from filling an entire article with tips for pursuing women in headphones.
Especially if she is single (read: pitiful), he notes, “She will usually be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her.” To start, simply “wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can see it,” and “confidently ask, ‘Can you take off your headphones for a minute?’ ” he advises. Should she not “understand”—either because the female brain is feeble or, let’s be honest, she’s ignoring you—“gesture that you want to talk to her by pointing back and forth from you to her and say, ‘I want to talk to you for a minute.’ ”
This is just the latest piece of bad advice—dispatched by men—on how women should act in public. Here, a handy list of seven things women don’t have to do simply because men are asking them to:
- Remove their headphones.You are under no obligation whatsoever to stop whatever you’re listening to—2 Dope Queens or Fresh Air or The Underground Railroad book on tape—and instantly take out your Beats By Dre to indulge the whims of the stranger before you. (If we are sitting in the same coffee shop and you look like a young Leo DiCaprio, don’t worry: An interested woman will pre-emptively remove her earbuds to make herself available to you.) Otherwise, we can’t hear you, or the catcallers on the corner.
L&C: Even though it is unlikely that we are wearing headphones it does not mean that we have to acknowledge anyone. Hey, we could be losing our hearing a bit, totally consumed with other thoughts or frankly just not interested. At a certain point, many men are simply no longer that fascinating – even in passing,
- “Smile!”The fastest way to make a woman snarl at you? Demand she “smile.” Have you ever considered that she may have resting bitch face and is actually smiling on the inside? Or that her cat may be dying or she just re-watched Beaches? Or, most likely, she’s having a shitty day? Women do not have to walk around in public with the prettiest, most pleasing facial expression, according to men.
L&C: Nothing to add to this one. Totally agree. Works at any age.
- Be quiet.Lest she be deemed “shrill.” Go ahead, be as loud as Bernie Sanders on any given night of the primary season!
L&C: Again totally on point. We have seen and heard a lot and please do not ask us to be quiet. We have more than earned the right to say whatever we want without being censored
- “Cover up.”Because women who wear latex bandage dresses or who free the nipple are asking for attention—or far worse. Showing skin, to quote Clueless, is not an “unequivocal sex invite.”
L&C: And lets us add: If you feel great about yourself and looking fine – wear whatever you like and, no, it does not mean we are desperate or trying too hard to look young.
- “Take it off.”Your burkini is obviously an unspecified security threat, or per former French president Nicolas Sarkozy, a “provocation.” As K. Rowling tweeted this week: “Whether women cover or uncover their bodies, seems we’re always, always ‘asking for it.’ ”
L&C: Enough said on this one.
- Stop at two drinks.Because when women drink too much, men can take advantage of them. See: the Stanford rape case; the school’s “Female Bodies and Alcohol” page (since taken down), which said, “women who are seen drinking alcohol are perceived to be more sexually available than they may actually be,” while men who have been drinking “feel sexually aroused and are more responsive to erotic stimuli, including rape scenarios.” So, stop drinking, ladies. But, men, by all means, never change!
L&C: Ok, just maybe we can’t hold the liquor they way we did when we were 25 and regularly build our tolerance at bars and restaurants with boring dates, but we may actually love a glass or two of wine and, over the years, we know when to stop, so back off. Do not know of many women our age who have thrown up on the way home from wherever from too much of a good thing.
- Tolerate manspreading.One person, one subway (or bus or train) seat. No extras for guys, or their gym bags.
L&C: Might we also add that older men also have their individual “self spreading” around those hips and bellies which also takes up some space, but we know that we must approach their aging issues gently. Men are pretty thin-skinned when it comes to their studness . And P.S. They never stop looking or wanting or maybe just dreaming.
Gals and Pals, let’s keep on trucking and laughing and never let us lose our joy of life!
Lucy and Claudia
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