The definition of friend is “a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, exclusive of sexual or family relations.” Today, we also use “friend” as a verb when we add them to our social network site.
We describe many of our relationships as friends when discussing things we have done together or shared experiences. For example, we say, “A friend and I tried the new restaurant in town last night.” Friend has become synonymous with acquaintance, maybe not exactly as we think of an acquaintance as less than a friend, but we still use the terms interchangeably.
It got us thinking about how we can maintain our friendships during this time of isolation and quarantine. Friendships take a commitment and need to be nurtured.
I think back to friends I had when I lived in Vermont. We were very close as there were so few of us in our rural community and we needed each other in a variety of ways, from companionship to day to day needs like helping to dig out in a snowstorm. This past week, I reconnected by email with a dear Vermont friend with whom I have not spoken for years. Just like that she responded and the affection and warmth of her response was touching.
The quarantine has fostered time to reflect and prioritize what really matters. Looking back and reviewing memories and life experiences, we see that friendships are vital to our collective sense of our lives. Some friendships have fallen away, slipping through the cracks before we realized it. To be a friend takes time and attention and commitment. To have a friend takes even more time and attention. It is too easy to lose track, letting life get in the way, and, just like that, the friendship is no longer there.
In great films, it is the friendship between women that especially resonates as in “Thelma and Louise”, “Fried Green Tomatoes” and “Steel Magnolias”. I lost a friend with whom I shared so much through tears and laughter and health challenges. We drifted apart after her marriage when she developed a new group of married couples. I choose to cherish the times we had together so I do not get caught up in the regret game.
How do we keep our current friends close and how to we foster these friendships when we cannot spend time together or share experiences? For now, the simple solution is through Facetime and Zoom and text and email. We miss planning dinners together and going out and looking forward to travel. We miss spontaneity and shopping together. Lucy is very good at keeping in touch with friends from the past. She updates a small list of friends about her life in her holiday cards. The pandemic has provided her an opportunity to reach out to other friends and renew those relationships. But many still ponder how to keep friendships on the front burner.
How does age effect friendships? Do they become more important or is it more complicated to keep up with them? With many friends living alone, should we make more of an effort to keep in touch? During this time of isolation, is it more difficult for those of us alone to keep up with married friends? How do we rank friend with partner or spouse?
Knowing that I am an animal lover, friends send me images and YouTube videos of “animal friendships” that often move me to tears like the one where the dog ”befriends” a baby duck. And, yes, I admit that I do anthropomorphize animals.
What matters is that we recognize and sense the emotions associated with friendship. Texting has become a wonderful vehicle for keeping in touch with friends. Just a quick text makes all the difference. Having a friend with whom you can laugh and cry and share fears and tribulations is one of the great joys in life. We need friends now more than ever. As we age, it is clear that friendships are the linchpin in our lives.
We are tired of keeping our distance and yet we know that it is the right thing to do now. Let’s plan remote lunches or in person get togethers at an outdoor restaurant. Or perhaps organize online bridge or chess. Let’s keep in touch and remember to find laughter to share with friends each and every day.
Onward to keep us updated:
I spoke to my dermatologist this week who said that more and more people are finding that masks are causing skin rashes. I did with certain materials particularly in the heat. Here is a site that showcases a variety of masks, some of which are good for sports as well as some especially attractive masks:
https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/breathable-masks#intcid=recommendations_vogue-right-rail_49d16716-7dd5-43fa-b897-56769a4f4dba_popular4-1
If you missed this, read the NPR story about the latest on the Harvey Weinstein case where the judge rejected the $19million settlement:
And finally there is the three year old grandchild of a friend who saw the mini-donkey and mini-horse wearing muzzles to keep from eating too much grass. Her comment was “ Look grandma, they are being so good to wear their facemasks”. Gotta love kids!
Stay safe and well
Ciao
Lucy and Claudia