There is something special about getting together with women friends. It does not surprise us that women are interesting and engaging regardless of age. I had dinner last week with three young gal pals who are in their forties. They are stimulating, inquisitive and involved in the world. The waitress asked us for our order five times before we realized we had been talking nonstop in the first twenty minutes that we had arrived at dinner. We laughed as we thought about how different the dialogue would be if it were a group of men.
Stereotypes abound such as men talk sports and women talk feelings. The conversations we have with our women friends, regardless of age, can often be soul-saving moments. Women come to the table with shared values – openness, humor, forgiveness, and most importantly, empathy. Lucy has several groups of women friends with whom she discusses politics, Hallmark movies, the demise of our youth, and shopping. No one skips a beat as they randomly move from one subject to the next.
Men are linear in their processing. They take a discussion topic or a task to its end whether it is a logical end or not. It seems as though multitasking is not in their genetic makeup. Men wake up on a Saturday and say, “Today I am going to chop wood for six hours” with no forethought of the consequences. So who is left in charge of getting groceries and making the meal and putting the soaking clothes in the laundry and shoveling the walkway and taking the dog to the vet?
You can call a woman and ask “How are you?” and she will happily tell the truth and share exactly what the issue is and how it feels. What happens when a woman says to a man “we need to talk?” The possibility of a discussion that involves emotions or struggles sends most men to the woodshed to check the oil in the lawnmower.
Why do we women think that “we need to talk” will actually elicit the appropriate response? There is something about those four words that are anathema to the male species. We need to change the opening from “we need to talk” to, …….? We are not sure so we ask you, what do you suggest?
Men are fascinating but different. We need to understand their logic and come up with a new way to open the door to real dialogue. No matter how many books have been written about the difference between Venus and Mars, we still stumble at the worst of times.
We are also curious to understand what men get out of their relationships with other men? I think more research is needed. And we will. Maybe it is as simple as, over a beer or two, they review the local pro sport teams. Someone wins, each week and someone loses. It is clear and there are no troubling questions and certainly no complicated answers needed – a little respite in an insane world.
Maybe if we understood or accepted that truth, we might either, finally once and for all, limit our expectations or alternatively, join in. Maybe all our female ponderous thinking is weighing us down. Could it be that our recent interest in self-care (practiced mostly by women) could instead be solved by a prolonged discussion of sports standings, stats, and stumbles?
We acknowledge, for the record, that not all men and not all women fit these simplistic categories, but it makes for a better story and by the way, after all these years, it is mostly true.
Happy Holidays and Stay Safe
Lucy and Claudia