About the time we went off to college, the debate about career versus being an at-home-mom hit us squarely in the face. After all, most of our mothers were stay-at-home-moms so to be suddenly faced with career and work opportunities versus not working and being a stay-at-home mom raised all sorts of flags. Many of our mothers flourished in volunteer work and others, after we were raised, found a career they loved. And of course, in some cases, divorce and loss of income limited choices. For some, work was the only option.
Some of our peers chose work and married later, some married in or right after college, had families and then found a career outside of the home. We have friends and peers whose children are more than 20 years apart because of the choices they made about when to become a mother. Going to a baby shower and a wedding among the children of our friends is not unusual.
To work or not to work now? Most of our friends are retired and enjoying leisurely lives. But a few are still working. For some of us, there is a sense that we are not accomplishing something because we are not employed, especially for those of us who have had a career for many years.
Lucy just finished reading an interesting memoir, Paul Newman The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Man. She says it is worth a read. What is interesting is that much of his best work both professionally and philanthropically occurred in the last part of his life when he, to some degree, was freed of the painful notion, in spite of stunning successes, that he never measured up.
“He evolved immensely in the last quarter of his life; he became more present and reveled in giving back. It was an incredible gift to our family and the world benefited from it,” according to his daughter, Clea Newman Soderlund.
Taking a cue from Newman who died in 2008 at 83, let’s consider the “gifts we still have to give “ rather than the traditional work vs retirement question. For example, Lucy follows Brunch with Babs, a grandmother who became a TikTok star during Covid at the age of 73 and has a million followers.
“Being employed” means we have value. So does that mean that if we are not working we have no value? Absolutely not. Being retired means that we have time to explore new fields of learning and develop skills that we left behind during our “working years.” Some of us travel with abandon. Some of us take classes Some volunteer. But some still find themselves feeling undervalued and unappreciated.
The solution may be that we need to stop, take a breath, and appreciate that we have this time to look around us, look at the beauty of nature, value a simple walk in the sunshine, meet friends for dinner, exercise as best we can, read books that we never had time for.
We want to contribute, and we want to put the skills we have accumulated over time to good use. This may mean that we serve on a Board for a nonprofit that is doing work we care about, or participate in programs that make a difference in the quality of life for others.
When I sense the feeling that I am doing “nothing of import”, I turn my attention to those who may need my help. I look to care about others. Each of us can and do contribute to the greater good just by being “good citizens.” His Holiness the Dalai Lama wrote that “the principal characteristic of genuine happiness is peace: inner peace.” He goes on to say that he attributes his sense of peace to “ the effort to develop concern for others.”
We are fortunate that we have the privilege of this time to be engaged and committed to new and exciting opportunities. As we said in our last blog, even a smile can make a difference in the lives of others. In the end it, comes back to another often used expression – Find the Balance. If you feel the urge to do more, feel more or find more, become a resource for changing the lives of others in need.
Ciao
Lucy and Claudia