′′Let go the people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing. Stop having hard conversations with people who don’t want change.”
Anthony Hopkins
This has been a year of hell for everyone. With the pandemic and the world shutting down for months and being quarantined and unable to touch or hug loved ones and dear friends, it is no wonder that finding joy and the light has been increasingly challenging. For me, add to this equation, the tragic journey of my son’s illness over the summer and his passing in September.
How can I climb back from the abyss? Do I even want to come back ? Grief has a way of pulling you down as though gravity is pushing you deeper and deeper into the dark. I admit there are days when the dark is appealing.
Enter women friends. Real friends who love you for who you are with no vested interest, make the difference between making it back up to the surface or continuing the downward spiral. We wrote about women friendships a few weeks ago and received thoughtful comments in support of the topic. As the veteran actor Anthony Hopkins mused:
“It’s your only obligation to realize that you are the love of your destiny and accept the love you deserve. Decide that you deserve true friendship, commitment, true and complete love with healthy and prosperous people.”
With the help of my friends and family, I will continue on the journey to healing.
I add that I have found another way to heal and return to the light. I adopted a ten-year old Newfoundland three days after my son died. My son had a Newfie puppy when he was a baby. I have photos of him with the Newfoundland and this new dog has the same head and face. I knew the minute I saw him, that we needed to rescue each other.
He needed a home and I needed something to love and care for. He is like having the elderly grandfather I never had, with his special needs, eye creams, supplements, stiff hind end, small bladder and frequent in and out of the house pit stops. Somehow he seems to know that I need him and he looks me in the eye and we are okay. He will be eleven in January. I know that he is ancient for the breed and that every day is precious but I am okay with that.
However, it does make me wish I had had one more day with my son but I did not. There was much more to say to him but he died before we had time for closure. With this old dog, I can tell him how much I love him and hug him and take him in the car which he loves and where he is happiest. He seems to know I am his new person and he follows me everywhere in house.
Yes, there is drool and dog hair, and he parks himself between me and the refrigerator and yes, he sometimes has to back his way out of spaces in my house. Even though I have two other dogs in the house, this old man is my life partner. I am grateful to the That Newfoundland Place, a nonprofit organization, that brought us together. With this dog, I am beginning to climb back into the light.
Thank you to all who comment and support us.
Here is to good health and happiness in the New Year.
Stay safe.
Lucy and Claudia