Facts tell us what we already know, that women outlive men, which means that there are a lot more women over 60 than men. They being us, so who are we and what are our priorities and passions? Do we have any interest in dating and if so what are we looking for? While only anecdotal, we reached out to our “tribe” and discovered a range of interesting responses.
We found there are women who want to find a companion and those who do not and a few who told us that an occasional “friend” might be worth the effort. One widow said that hers was a long and happy marriage and that she liked being around men more than women. She called herself a “Guys Gal”. Another widow said that she was not interested because she had been the caregiver for her husband for the last four years of his life and she did not want to be in that position again.
This generation of women grew up in a world where their mothers were not on equal footing and men made all the important decisions in their lives. Women coming of age in the 60s by and large said enough is enough and sought partners not masters in relationships.
Hindsight is great and we can all say “If we knew then what we know now…” but we made choices and lived our lives with the best of intentions. We learned to multitask and we did our best to be all things for our children, our parents, and primarily, for our spouses. For some it worked, for others it did not. At this point in our lives, we know who we are and we are comfortable looking at potential new relationships through a clear lens.
Women do so much better being on their own than men in our generation. As men age, they need women more that we need them. Too often, older men seek the companionship of and relationship with younger women, in part to try to relive their youths, in part because they see this as a life line caregiver.
Lucy has a terrific relationship. She responded to my questions as follows:
“It is easy to say he is someone who “gets me” …a well worn phrase but it is true. We will not be having children together, changing careers, re-setting our priorities. We are who we are…this is it. Still, you can always learn to be a better partner. I am more patience with the flow of life, while at the same time always conscious that there are not endless days to be together. We share fundamentally the same values, the same level of devotion for our children and grandchildren and they are all on their own so no shared space for a Brady family required. Likely that makes it easier.
Yes, we disagree and there are some real life changes to navigate but we both still work so we have a routine that gives us a structure. What counts is that I love every time he walks into the room. Are there lessons or roadmaps for others looking for a mate? In my case, no – it was pure luck that we found each other at the right moment and we have stuck through it for 10 years.”
So what do I want in a relationship? For years, I wanted a father figure because mine was incapable of loving me. Now, I would look for someone with a sense of humor and a joie de vivre.
I cannot recall where I found this but here is a description of what someone wants in a presidential candidate:
“In 2020, I’ll be looking for a candidate not so much with the right resume as the right values: a sense of honor, a measure of wisdom, an open mind, a stable temperament, a sound ideological compass, and a commitment to American strength and goodness. I want to vote for a thoughtful candidate of good character.”
How simple is this description and yet it says it all…honorable, open minded, stable temperament, and with a moral compass. This sounds like the perfect candidate and, I would argue, the perfect date as well. Perhaps we cannot have it all but this is where we should focus our attention and our energy in relationships, be they male or female, in our politics and in our day-to-day relationships.
Enough with the philosophical, back to the important things like looking as good as we can at whatever age. Instead of Botox or fillers, how about massaging our faces to return the glow of a young complexion? Check out this article about the Jade Roller. It has been around for hundreds of years and Asian women know all about it. I’d heard of it but never seen it in action. It is supposed to smooth out our skin and facial wrinkles. According to Vogue, one fashionista pulled hers out at Cipriani’s:
https://www.vogue.com/article/jade-rolling-courteney-cox-cipriani
We are going to try it and let you know, maybe pull it out at the Outback Steakhouse to see how that goes….just kidding!
Ciao
Lucy and Claudia